


I'm addicted to you toxic [ON HOLD]

by Orange_hill



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Disbandment, Emotional Baggage, Jaeyong is not endgame, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Reunions, Smut, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Emotional Tension, but they do patch up I swear, like maybe one scene, may add more tags, sorry y'all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:27:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22614850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orange_hill/pseuds/Orange_hill
Summary: Taeyong is thankful for a lot of things life has given him. From his days as an artiste/idol trying to get by with what little he earns, living in a hole in a wall, to a world renowned composer/lyricist living in a posh apartment with his loving boyfriend in New York. He is also thankful for the valuable life lessons that have put him into perspective over the last decade he's spent away from homesoil. As he seizes the opportunity to visit Seoul again, his past comes steam rolling its way in the form of Jung Jaehyun, dazzling, still a dreamboat with his dimples and everything. All he needs to do is to not succumb to the familiar feelings he's long since buried. Right?
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jonghyun | JR/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

Jaehyunnie......

There is that endearment that never fails to overwhelm Jaehyun with feelings....too much familiarity lingers in Taeyong's tone when he calls him that. 

And Jaehyun is afraid.....So very afraid to fall into the same deep dark pit from which he had barely pulled himself out. Just barely.....Before insanity set in. 

Everything about Taeyong is still so magnetic....always drawing Jaehyun in like a moth to a lamp. Lures him in till the moment he feels the harsh burn. ...The bitter reality.....and as much as Jaehyun wants to slap himself awake from this dream he doesnt have the strength to do so. Because here he is....the person responsible for his utter ruin, in Johnny's living room looking as fine as wine holding a bottle in his hand.

After 10 long years of miserable drought, Jaehyun's eyes finally see the oasis. This very moment is so surreal that he doesnt tear his eyes away. He greedily drinks in the exquisiteness of the dainty pink blush decorating the apples of Taeyong's cheeks. He's aged better than he'd expected. Broader shoulders, a jawline more prominent, a sharp straight nose, two big black glittering obsidians for eyes....the list goes on.....

It's insane how Taeyong still leaves Jaehyun breathless. Even after the latter relinquishing his romantic feelings a long time ago.....when Taeyong decided to up and leave them behind.....leave him behind was more accurate.

Jaehyun still remembers the day so vividly...how Taeyong's eyes froze him from the inside out.....how his words slashed him like a scythe rendering him unable to love anyone wholeheartedly till date...how his lovable hyung whom he thought couldnt hurt a fly, hurt him so bad.....


	2. Chapter 1

Taeyong never would have thought of setting foot in Seoul. Then again he never thought he'd reunite with his ex-team members either. But here he is. Finally. Trying to come to terms with his own uncertainties, breaking his self imposed exile for over a decade.

Truthfully, he is content. Its like his life has come a full circle. He doesnt realize that he's missed Seoul's air until he steps outside the airport. He breathes in deeply and it truly feels liberating. Spiritual even. Moving to New York with his whole family is the best decision he's ever taken and having to work with some of the best artistes in the industry is a dream come true for him. But there are times when he'd stay awake in his bed, his body tired but his mind replaying a distant dream that he'd envisioned as a rookie. In his dream, there are a dozen others quite like him. Naive and pure like the first snow of winter. There is Jaehyun. Sweet, pure Jaehyun who always held his hands and followed him around almost everywhere, who cried and laughed with him and ultimately had his heart broken by him. His insides ache everytime the scene replays in his head. The way Jaehyun stood still as a statue as he left with the last of his belongings. A terrible sense of longing washes over him making him miss Seoul, his home, the dorms, the members, Jaehyun, the what-could-have-beens.....

As he makes his way out, he sees a tiny male with a pixie hair cut, burgundy coloured waving at him energetically with his signature smile. If there is anyone he's missed so much, it is Ten, his confidante. He engulfs him in a hug so tight that its rib crushing and almost cuts off the air supply to his lungs. With much difficulty he extricates himself from Ten's choke hold before he is sent to his death bed.

"You still look unbelievably young Taeyong hyung!" He exclaims. Taeyong feels so euphoric at the moment that he forgets to respond to the other's remark. Ten is so very....Ten-like, if that even makes sense now. Johnny is one lucky man indeed.

"Yah! I am still in my mid-30s. I have atleast like a decade more to worry about greys and wrinkles." He chastises him but the mischievous glint in the other's eyes doesn't falter. He proceeds to tease Taeyong more as they hail a cab and head over to his house. It so happens that Ten had bought an apartment in Cheongdam-dong a few years ago. Taeyong's eyes almost pop out of their sockets as he is greeted by a sprawling landscape with the most breathtaking greenery. The house is adequate enough and not too sophisticated. Minimalistic and homey would describe it perfectly.

"I like your house Tennie."

"Its not entirely mine hyung. Johnny and I bought it together. We both thought of moving in here together after marriage. But for the moment I am the care-taker since big foot has a questionable sense of cleanliness." Taeyong chuckles at the quip. Johnny is not a messy person per se but he doesnt clean either. Its a good decision to let Ten stay here.

"Are you really sure its ok to stay here?" Taeyong feels as if he is intruding, trespassing into a place possibly written off as an intimate wedding gift.

"It is totally fine with me. Now stop worrying silly." In the next few hours they ease into comfortable conversations about each other's lives since they had a decade to catch up to and before they realize it veers into personal territory.

"So hyung....anyone interesting in your life so far?" Taeyong isnt one to fall for Ten's persuasive methods but when a bony elbow constantly nudges his rib cage, he is compelled to spill for fear of fracturing it.

"Ow..ow...yes I am seeing someone. Jesus Christ Tennie!" Ten perks up and asks for juicy details. He then tells him how he met a handsome Korean American his age and how they instantly clicked and how they ultimately became a couple four years ago.

"His name is Kim Jonghyun and he is from New York."

He shows Ten a picture they took during a recent date and he couldnt stop gushing.

"He is hella cute. 10/10 would smash if I weren't engaged but dont tell Johnny ok." Taeyong laughs it off.

A few hours later as they begin preparing dinner they are joined by Johnny who quickly engulfs him with his giant body and Taeyong wonders how much more of these hugs he can take before he collapses entirely.

"Yongie you idiot! We missed you so much." He still doesn't let him down and keeps swinging him as Taeyong's body sways left and right like a rag doll.

"Look at you mollycoddling your bestfriend, leaving your fiance hanging."

"Oh no baby dont say that. Come here!"

Ten dodges his advances to his dismay. "You had your chance bigfoot. Its time for dinner."

"Are you the dinner?" As if on cue, every cell in Taeyong's body cringes till he curls up into a ball on the couch.

"I should have just stayed in my old house!" He whines.

Dinner is served and as they dig in Johnny sighs loudly, relishing the food to his heart's content. "I think I missed Taeyong's cooking more than I missed him." And continues.

"Baby I dont mean to offend you but please learn a thing or two from Taeyong." He teases his fiance but winces immediately as his head is smacked loudly. Taeyong observes the shift in their dynamics and feels happy. He remembers vividly how they kept dancing around each other back in the days. Back when Taeyong was around. As Johnny recovers from his head trauma he sees Taeyong's unresponsive state and flicks his forehead rather harshly.

"Whats gotten into you?"

"N..nothing...I am tired guys. Can I go to bed after dinner please?" Ten's brows crease worriedly but he agrees nevertheless.

"Sure hyungie. Let me get you some pillows and blankets."

His bed feels warm and comfortable enough but he is wide awake, even though he is heavily jet lagged. He tosses and turns trying to ease this suffocating feeling but ends up staying awake twiddling his thumbs. A few minutes later he sees Ten peaking into the room to check on him.

"I knew you wouldn't be sleeping. What happened Yongie hyung?" He sits beside him on the bed staring at him while Taeyong opens and closes his mouth contemplating what to tell him. What can he tell him at this point? That he is sorry that he abandoned the group for greener pastures when they needed him the most? That he feels guilty that he is a thriving solo artiste while NCT has broken up entirely? That he is still haunted by those dreams that fueled his morale when he was younger? Much water has flown under the bridge since then.

"I...I ....you dont know how...how sorry I am..." He doesnt want to breakdown but he doesnt want to hold himself back from owning up to his emotions either. He lets loose as he cries his eyes out. Inconsolable and heart wrenching is what Ten describes the older's state at the moment. Its a culmination of an entire decade's worth of pain and guilt that has been eating him up from the inside.

"We know you didnt have a choice. We understand you hyung. You dont have to suffer anymore." Ten chants like its a mantra. A few more minutes of bawling ensue before Taeyong unwraps himself from Ten's hold and lays down on the bed. Feeling physically and emotionally drained, his eyelids droop slightly and he is consumed by exhaustion. Ten gently strokes his forehead as Taeyong sleeps. His fingers brush away the wetness on his cheeks as he pulls the duvet over him. 

Of all the members, Ten and Johnny were the only ones who stood by Taeyong's decision to leave even though it was painful. The rest of them didnt take it well and ultimately grew to resenting him. Taeyong's sudden departure cost NCT dearly as multiple media outlets started questioning the group's relevance in the industry. The company did little to salvage his image and the ensuing tension within the fandom brought them under huge stress. A great portion of the fans defended Taeyong while the others threatened to leave the fandom if he stayed. Their future seemed bleak as they had lost the one thing that bound them together and eventually drifted apart. Some pursued solo careers while some just faded away from limelight eventually.

It took everything in Ten and Johnny's power to convince the rest of them that Taeyong had no choice but to step back and almost everyone seemed to have understood the difficulties their leader faced and how he was brutally shunned by their own fandom, except for maybe one stubborn Jung Jaehyun. They knew, in fact everyone in their team knew just how much Taeyong meant to him. To this day, Jaehyun doesnt utter his name, doesnt think about him, doesnt reminisce the sweet kisses stolen in secret, doesnt think about Taeyong's beautiful face that once made his heart skip beat after beat.

He reckons he's emotionally damaged to the extent that he refuses to date anyone, doesnt have the capacity to love anyone with his whole heart. Taeyong had asked Ten about Jaehyun once or twice during the few calls they had exchanged in the last ten years and all Ten had to say was that Jaehyun doesnt talk much about anything anymore and that he is quite withdrawn most of the time. Taeyong stopped asking after that.

"Is he sleeping fine now?" Johnny whispers as Ten shuts the door to the guest bedroom.

"Ya. But he did cry. It was full out bawling in there. John I....it broke me..seeing how much he's suffered....is still suffering after all these years."

"I know babe....but all we can do is be there for him you know.." Johnny hugs his fiance as they head to bed. The bond that was there is beyond repair now. But renewing it takes time and patience. Ten thinks his wedding could be the perfect opportunity to tie up loose ends and hopes even now that he's not too late.


	3. Chapter 2

Normally Taeyong would love to wake up early in the morning, do some stretches, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the breathtaking view of the sunrise but today isn’t one of the days for mindless musings. Because he wakes up with a pounding headache and visibly shrivels as the morning sun peeking through the curtains makes it a lot worse. He makes a mental note not to bawl his eyes out before going to bed at night. Whatever happened last night shouldn’t have happened, especially not around Ten who has been the most gracious host to him ever since he landed here. After all, burdening Ten with a decade’s worth of rotting emotional baggage and his episodic panic attacks was the last thing he wanted to do. He doesn’t want to dwell much around his breakdown last night but the afterthought leaves him stuck to his bed as he stares blankly at his upturned palms. A sudden shrill ring of his phone is what it takes to break him out of his reverie. Squeezing the tiredness out of his eyes, he blindly grapples for the device laying on the bedside counter, becoming giddy with excitement the moment he notices who’s calling.

  
“Did I wake you?” Jonghyun’s voice fills his ears and he immediately feels his stiff muscles relax. The constant pounding in his head lulls to a dull ache as the desire to catch the first flight back to New York strengthens. He misses Jonghyun more than ever now.

  
"I just woke up." His voice still sounds hoarse and heavy with sleep but he doesn't give a damn.

  
"Good! Hope the jetlag's worn off. I know how cranky you are when you don't get enough sleep." He adds with a small laugh to stress the fact that he's endured the worst of Taeyong's fiery temper and irritability as a consequence. This does nothing but evoke a whine from Taeyong and he pouts in disbelief. He wants to rebuke so badly as he usually does when Jonghyun makes fun of him but he decides not to.

  
"I can feel you pouting all the way here from Seoul you know!" Jonghyun says. A cackle leaves his lips and his face becomes hot with embarrassment. How does this man know exactly what to say to keep his world turning? At times he's questioned if he deserves such a wonderful person and he's always received an unflinching and a resounding 'yes'.

  
"I am not cranky." He says blankly.

  
"Oh! I remember someone yanking the curtain of the bath stall and ripping it off in one stroke."

  
Jonghyun is the sweetest person but sometimes he doesn't read the situation well which leads to Taeyong berating to him that the incident happened purely by accident and that he didn't mean to destroy their bathroom in a fit of rage. In a way, he did but he wouldn't admit it and give his boyfriend the pleasure of being right. What he would admit is that he misses these playful banters with him even though its been around two days since he landed in Seoul.

  
"I miss you." His mouth decides to outrun his brain at that moment and blurt out the obvious.

  
"God I miss you too. Can we facetime?" Jonghyun asks. Asks. He's never asked for permission from him and always videocalls him straight away but this time there is an unspoken trepidation in his voice, a telltale sign of nervousness that Taeyong can feel even from miles away. He agrees nevertheless and lets out an indignant squeak almost immediately as the video call commences and Jonghyun comes into view, looking a bit tired but still flawless. 

  
"Hey there gorgeous!" A terrible conversation opener that Taeyong has to excuse himself out of the frame for a few seconds to cringe, gather his thoughts and get back into the frame again. He does admit to himself, _only to himself_ , that his heart fluttered the tiniest bit. 

  
"Just drop the Casanova act. You're terrible!" he admonishes. 

  
"You wound me Yongie. I have been making earnest attempts to woo you and here you are being mean." Jonghyun pouts to earn sympathy but Taeyong's facade doesnt falter. He refuses to be swayed by his boyfriend's cute antics especially when he is nowhere near him at the moment.

  
"Lets face it we both cant flirt to save our lives." He then laughs it off by saying that people like him for his natural charms.

  
"Ya thats how I fell for you! Hook, line and sinker." Jonghyun adds, an impish smile playing at his lips and Taeyong's positively swooned that he cant do anything to hide the blush spreading rapidly across his cheeks. He buries his face in the pillows muffling his frustrated screams and refuses to show his face for a good few seconds. Seeing this however, Jonghyun's smile grows wider and he begins teasing again.

  
"Did it work this time?" He is hopeful as he asks this, positive that Taeyong's face is flaming red by now. Taeyong still doesn't show his face, only grunting in response.

  
"Ok ok. I wont tease you anymore. Tell me how was your flight." To this Taeyong finally replies.

  
"There was no turbulence and I didn't puke. My only complain was the food though." He rambles on about his travel, seeing Ten after so long and staying at his love nest for the time being and Jonghyun listens to him attentively. Every single word. 

  
"You look tired. Didn't you sleep well last night?" He asks out of the blue, a bit concerned to boot. Taeyong doesn't know what to say to this or how to say it. He cant be honest and admit that he succumbed to his demons last night and experienced the worst breakdown in recent times. He cant be worrying his boyfriend now that he is away from him, especially when Jonghyun prioritizes his mental health more than anything that he would drop everything to catch a flight straight to Seoul to ensure Taeyong's well being. He cant lie to save face because for one, he's a terrible liar and two, his boyfriend has superhuman observation skills that he simply cant be fooled. So he resorts to Plan C which is diverting the topic, hoping it works.

  
"Speak for yourself! The only thing keeping you awake is probably caffeine at this point." he says.

  
"Touche. Hurry back so I can cuddle you to sleep!" His chest fills with warmth at the reply. Jonghyun's cuddles are like therapy for him, an instant mood-uplifter. 

  
"Stop making me miss you more Hyunnie. Please." He pleads and shies away from eye contact. More loving exchanges ensue before Ten bursts into the room and decides to crash his video call. Taeyong's eyes open wide at the sudden intrusion while Jonghyun asks whoever it is thats so loud in the morning. 

  
"Wow I've been up all night thinking you were still under the weat..."Ten is stopped midway when Taeyong abandons his facetime in a hurry and makes awkward cutting gestures across his throat to make him stop talking. Ten stills for a moment, slowly becoming aware of the situation before making way towards his bed. A voice from the forgotten phone calls out to Taeyong asking if everything is ok.

  
"Tae....Who is it? Is it Ten?" Jonghyun asks in a slightly high pitched voice expecting Taeyong to reply only to come face to face with a slender looking male with bright sparkly eyes and flirtatious giggles staring at him through the phone.

  
"Hello Taeyong's hot boyfriend. I am Ten. I am Thai so I have a name thats difficult to memorize and hard to pronounce so you may just call me Ten." He bombards Jonghyun with his intro that he goes mute for a few minutes. _Hot boyfriend_? 

  
Taeyong visibly pales at Ten's lack of restraint. Jonghyun wasn't quite ready to deal with the freight train thats Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul. At this juncture, Johnny somehow magically appears at his bedside with a cup of coffee in hand, _French pressed_ and decides to join in as well. It makes Taeyong wonder when his little facetiming session turned into a mini party of sorts with people randomly dropping in and exchanging pleasantries. His thoughts are all over the place that his mouth fails to form comprehensive sentences so Johnny takes over in his smooth North American accent.

  
"Uh...Ten doesn't have a brain to mouth filter so please excuse his act of shamelessness. I am Johnny Suh, his fiance, also Taeyong's best friend and ex-teammate. I am from Chicago." Taeyong looks defeated at this point. All he wanted was a peaceful video call with his boyfriend who's across the ocean.

  
"Uh...hi. I am Jonghyun. Nice to meet both of you and congratulations on your wedding. Also sorry I cant make it." Johnny waves it off saying its ok. Although a bit accented, Jonghyun replies in smooth English as well to both Johnny and Ten and very soon it feels like they've all been acquainted since ages ago. Taeyong sees a drastic shift in the atmosphere as the awkwardness that prevailed earlier slowly open doors to livelier conversations. 

  
"So Jonghyun, I'mma ask you something. Isn't Taeyong high maintenance?" Johnny asks and Taeyong is tempted to clock him hard. But not as much when Jonghyun decides to be an even bigger jerk by thinking hard on what to say. Uh..hello! Why is everyone suddenly ganging up on me?

  
"I gotta admit he has a nasty temper. He's also hard to please when he's being stubborn. Drives me nuts when he's high on sugar. Built like a twig but strong as Hulk. He scares me sometimes."

  
Johnny doubles over in laughter as he says, "You had me at the 'built like a twig' "

  
"And well....." He gives a lengthy pause.

  
"He is picking at the skin around his nails now, isn't he? He's mad!" Both Ten and Johnny are surprised to find Taeyong doing exactly that with a kicked puppy look for added effect.

  
"I am breaking up with you!" His bark has no bite and Jonghyun laughs wholeheartedly, Johnny and Ten joining in the fun.

  
"Tae thats hardly being high maintenance. You know I love every side of you." He coaxes him.

  
"I said I am breaking up with you!" He repeats.

  
"Huhh fine! You want me to come over there right now? Get on my knees and scream for your forgiveness?" Ten and Johnny witnessing the drama unfold between the couple are highly amused but most of all contented that Taeyong's finally found someone who could keep up with him, a person who truly understands him and patiently waits for him. A person who holds tight and never lets go, come hell or high waters. He is simply put in layman's terms, not Jaehyun. If Jaehyun was fire incarnate, Jonghyun embodies the tranquil waters of the Pacific Ocean.

  
"Ok thats enough. Now you're being embarrassing."

  
"Alright then I'll shut up." From behind, they could hear someone calling out to Jonghyun and he's forced to cut the call short.

  
"Tae I gotta go now. They're asking for me." He says in a hurried tone.

  
"Ok then. Don't forget your dinner Kim Jonghyun or else!" Taeyong knows that when it comes to forgetfulness, his boyfriend rivals him, especially when he's neck deep in work.

  
"Yikes you pulled the 'full name' card again. Don't worry I will eat in about half an hour." Taeyong's lips pull into an endearing smile.

  
"I love you and I miss you so much. Come back soon ok." He doesn't think that such simple words put into one sentence can sound so beautiful that it can bring him to tears. He loves this man with his whole heart.

  
"I love you too Jonghyun-ah. I love you and I miss you and I will come back soon."The video call comes to a close but not before Jonghyun says his farewells to the newly engaged couple. Ten and Johnny side hug a crying Taeyong as the screen blanks out.

  
"You two are made for each other. Don't ever let him go Tae!" It was the singular piece of advice from the two people who have seen both the best and the worst in a relationship. Their engagement is a testament to their tumultuous journey of over ten years. And as Taeyong wipes away the stray tear thats run down his cheek, he knows for a fact that both him and Jonghyun can tide over anything and overcome the impossible as long as they are together.

  
  



	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear of the unknown deters your journey. Live it a little every day, without fear. Living your life is not as difficult as you make it out to be.

Taeyong manages to unwind despite being high strung a couple of days ago. Jonghyun calls him from time to time and that somehow keeps his straying thoughts at bay. Today, however, Ten has decided to pay everyone a visit and to personally send out invitations to the wedding. And Taeyong being morally obligated to accompany him, is having second thoughts about it. He can feel it in his gut that he’s about to see some skeletons tumbling out of the closet or some long buried bitterness getting unearthed at the very least. He gives himself a few pats on the back before getting ready to head out.

“You know you can stay back if you’re not up to it, right hyung?” Ten’s eyebrows are creased with worry. He doesn’t want Taeyong to be under duress especially not after going through a traumatic episode not too long ago.

“Don’t be silly Ten. I’ll be fine.” His reassurance is anything but convincing but Ten gives him the benefit of doubt. He also informs him of Doyoung, Taeil, Haechan and Jungwoo agreeing to meet up with them at Doyoung’s place. 

“Do they know?” he asks.  _ About me? _

“Yes. Would you have rather they didn’t?” To be honest, it doesn’t really matter to Taeyong about what they think or don’t think. Whether they hate him or not for what happened, it’s completely up to them. Whether they want to make amends with him despite the fact that their lives have taken a drastically different course from what they had once dreamt of is also up to them. Taeyong will accept any outcome graciously.

“It’s ok. I am relieved actually.” It takes some weight off of his shoulders. He was never really a fan of popping up out of the blue and surprising people anyway. Especially not after ghosting them for years.

“I know I am asking for too much but I just hope they don’t treat me like an alien, you know.” Ten’s visage mellows at his words. He grips Taeyong’s hands in his and gives a tight reassuring squeeze before smiling brightly at him.

“Hyung they don’t hate you. They might have been disappointed but they would never hate you.” Somehow that gladdens his heart and strengthens his resolve.

They arrive at Doyoung's apartment in less than an hour. As they head upstairs, Taeyong’s mind is wiped clean from all the emotional clutter that’s been plaguing it recently. There is an irrefutable gap in communication that’s resulted partly due to his wish to distance himself and partly due to the compelling circumstances that once prevailed. Those circumstances had destroyed the very foundation of his relationship with the members and his career as an idol. However it had shown him who wished to stand by him and who didn’t. Doyoung was one of those who stood by him. He still is one of the few people Taeyong cherishes to this day and yet circumstances had very evidently driven a wedge between them. 

They say when a path closes up, another clears out that potentially leads you to your destination. And when an opportune moment such as this presents itself after so many years, Taeyong wants to make the most out of it.

Doyoung's voice resonates from within the apartment when they ring his doorbell. Taeyong mentally notes that his voice has matured quite a bit, devoid of his signature nasal twang that he so ardently despised himself. But Taeyong has always digressed. He's always preferred Doyoung's vocals as accompaniment to his rap sections. To this day, he wishes he had the chance to release the studio versions of the songs that they managed to arrange together. Those songs that never saw the light of day will always be close to his heart.

"Oh you're here!" Doyoung greets Ten. And while his eyes land on the stranger standing close to him his breath hitches. He stands stunned blocking the doorway even as Jungwoo and Haechan huddle up behind him. Taeyong timidly shifts his weight from one leg to another, his eyes straying away and looking at anything and everything except his long lost best friend.

"Tae….Taeyong hyung." Doyoung's voice is barely a whisper, his eyes are staring wide at him as he refuses to blink thinking this mere apparition would disappear if he did. Taeyong locks eyes with him and chokes up with emotions. Doyoung is really like glass. There is no denying the fact when Taeyong can see emotions swirling in those dark pools with much clarity. Very much like glass. Even now.

"Doyoung-ah let’s get inside first yeah?” Ten urges as a couple of onlookers give them strange stares. The first ten minutes is excruciating for Taeyong as the others have lively banter with Ten. All he wants is to bolt right out after seeing the discomfort etched in each of their faces every time their gazes fall on him.  _ They’re looking at me like a stranger...figured as much! _

"So..are you here for good this time?" Haechan begins and Taeyong swears he whiplashed as his head shot up to respond to the younger.

"Ahh...no...I am just here for Ten's wedding." His voice cracks slightly at the end from staying silent for an extended period of time. But he reels after realizing how his response could have potentially been rude. He mentally curses at himself for such a pathetically curt reply, to Haechan nonetheless. Especially when the younger is making honest attempts to make him feel welcomed.

It doesn't take him long before he is articulating for a sincere apology but Haechan beats him to it.

"Ah Yongie hyung still overthinks too much!" It's a surprisingly welcoming gesture for Taeyong. Haechan. Ever so cheery and sprightly. A literal sunshine true to his name. 

"It's been a long long time Yongie hyung. Sorry if we seemed too unwelcoming. It's just….we...we didn't know how to approach you." Comes Jungwoo's apology.

"It honestly took me back to trainee days when we were tiptoeing around you. I mean you were this unapproachable cool kid in the block and the rest of us got tongue tied just from looking at you. No regrets though for being honest here but your looks sicken me. You're disgustingly handsome even now." Listening to Haechan ranting out has him shriveling up in a blushing heap. It warms his heart even though the compliments go overboard.

"Hey hey hey….I am the groom here. Y'alls attention should be on me!" Ten exclaims good naturedly.

"Hyung no offense but we see your ugly mug almost everyday." Haechan retaliates and that earns him a loud smack on the back.

Taeil and Doyoung choose to be rather quiet except for occasional one line replies and cursory nods while the younger ones playfully tease Taeyong. Ten notices this and addresses it by discreetly sending out signals to either of them only to get ignored. To properly greet Taeyong. Ask him how he is. Where he's been all this time? What's he doing? Anything so he doesn't have to go through the pain of seeing them both beat themselves over a decade long regret. Ten knows this because he's been at the receiving end of their countless breakdowns. How they chose to remain silent when Taeyong was subjected to severe backlash for coming out. How they literally saw both Jaehyun and Taeyong going for each other's throats day in and day out. How their loving relationship turned into a nightmare leading to their breakup. How they were unable to stop more members from leaving. How they were unable to salvage NCT after Taeyong's departure.

As for tonight he doesn't have enough hope for a possible interaction. Maybe they can bond over some drinks at the bachelor's party that he's decided to host in two days. He leaves the thought aside to get ready to leave but Doyoung suddenly insists on having Chinese take out for old times sake.

"That's fine Doyoung ah. We'll have a mini get together in two days." Taeyong says while Ten nods in agreement.

"Make sure you guys show up to my bachelor's party this Saturday at 7 PM." He invites them.

"Alright Ten hyung! Will YangYang be there? Is he still in Germany? He's the best at party games." Haechan bombards him excitedly.

"Hate to burst your bubble kiddo. YangYang will only be there for my wedding next month." Ten says as Haechan visibly deflates.

"Alright then we better leave. Manager hyung's gonna be here soon to pick us up." Taeyong bids farewell to all of them before stepping out with Ten only to be stopped by Taeil at the door.

"Taeyong ah...it's good to see you again." Taeil then nudges the tall dark haired male standing beside him to say something too. And as Taeyong's eyes flit between Taeil and Doyoung he understands. He's observed them both during his teens and he does the same now. Not much has changed except for the fine lines of age decorating Taeil's forehead and a perpetual forlorn look in Doyoung's eyes. Yet he understands their sentiments through unspoken words. 

"I….uh...I am glad that you're ok. You're ok." Taeyong reads between the lines and is tempted to give Doyoung the tightest hug possible. It was never his fault and he doesn't deserve his apology. He feels guilty and sorry if he has opened up old wounds that could have possibly healed over the years. Some of the events that have happened between them happened during their most vulnerable times and they both shouldn't be berating one another for the course they took. 

"It's ok. See you both soon."  _ Take care  _ he wants to say yet it remains on his tongue left for him to ruminate on till the next chance presents itself. They bid their farewells. Though bittersweet, Taeyong can say for sure that this opportunity has certainly rekindled their relationship or has opened up a path at least. And he has Ten to thank.

"I am glad I came with you today." He says, his heart feeling full.

"Ahh hyung don't get all soft on me now. Although I am not sure what's gotten into Doyoung and Taeil hyung. I really thought they'd be more welcoming." Ten says as they trudge upstairs while hauling a multitude of shopping bags. Shopping really isn't Taeyong's cup of tea and while Ten insisted they shop for some booze and decorations for the bachelor's party on the way back home, he really couldn't find it in him to say no.

"That's ok Ten. I know them. They'll warm up eventually." He sighs.

They drop down on the floor from exhaustion as soon as they get inside dumping the bags to the side and Taeyong's phone suddenly starts ringing. He rolls over onto his stomach just to see Jonghyun calling him while Ten peers over his shoulder.

"Oohhh it's the boyfriend across the sea. Can I talk to him?" He teases while Taeyong gives him the stink eye.

"You have your fiance to flirt with." 

"Who said anything about flirting? I just wanna talk. Get to know more about my brother-in-law." He has a disturbingly innocent expression while saying this and Taeyong can't help but bristle. He heaves up and disappears into the kitchen leaving Ten to sort out the packages.

"Hello lover!" Says Jonghyun. He looks fresh out of shower, his wet bangs curtaining his eyes that tempt Taeyong to run his fingers through it. Taeyong wouldn't admit it for fear of feeding his boyfriend's ego but Jonghyun looks ethereal after a nice hot shower. He bites his lower lip out of reflex, to stop himself from smiling like a fool in love even though that's an undeniable fact.

"Did you just come out of the shower?"  _ Well duh genius! _

"Yes. Thought you'd love to see me like this so I called right away." There is an unabashed laughter on the other side that Taeyong can't help but join in as well.

"What makes you think that?" He feigns obliviousness.

"My instinct."

"Well your instinct is wrong so…"

"You did." There is a loud sigh before Jonghyun plops down on their bed and readjusts the camera of his phone.

"I did what?" He urges as he perches atop the kitchen countertop and makes himself comfortable.

"You told me yourself that you like seeing me wet." A blinding smile greets him next.

"No I didn't." 

"Yes you did."

"No...you're hallucinating." 

"Well you're not entirely wrong. I am hallucinating a lot these days." Taeyong is not sure if he's imagining it but there is a hint of pain in Jonghyun's voice as he says this. 

"What's wrong? Are you feeling okay?" He asks out of concern.

"I uh.....I just miss you so much Taeyong. I think I'm going crazy here." 

"I know you've been gone for only a few days but you won't be coming back until next month and that really makes me feel awful." He adds.

Taeyong doesn't know what to say or how to react to this sudden bout of frustration from his boyfriend. It's disconcerting to know that he can't do much to alleviate it but it's quite endearing as well - to see that he's genuinely being missed by someone who means the world to him. Call him a sadist but it makes him feel loved and wanted.

"I miss you too Jonghyun ah. God! If only….if only there's some way…" 

"What if I told you that there's a way…" Jonghyun says this with a subtle quirk of an eyebrow. And that's all it takes for Taeyong's gears to turn.

"No way you're…."

"What if I told you that I am coming to Seoul next week…" In all honesty, Taeyong shouldn't be surprised about the recent turn of events given the fact that his boyfriend has a notorious track record for being absolutely ridiculous most of the time. He really is insane to be thinking about crossing several time zones just to be with him when he's got loads of work to be done.

"You're crazy Kim Jonghyun!" He yells into the receiver.

"Hey whatchu' yellin' at me for? You said you missed me too didn't you?" Jonghyun argues back.

"But what about your recording sessions? Your album Jonghyun ah!" 

“No need to fret my love! My senior at the studio wants me to leave for Seoul and record the rest of the album there. So I can work and stay with you for as long as I want." He says and rolls over onto his stomach.

Taeyong couldn't believe his ears. Jonghyun is gonna come and be with him for the remainder of his holiday here. He is so overwhelmed by the sudden news that he fails to notice Jonghyun calling out to him.

"Cat got your tongue? You know you can begin by th…"

"I love you Jonghyun ah." He blurts out the one thing his mind repeatedly screams at him. It is now Jonghyun's turn to be tongue tied at Taeyong's unexpected declaration of love. He blushes a thousand shades of red before a smile blooms on his face and he schools his thoughts.

"Well...I..was expecting a thank you. I got something better instead! Love you too Tae." He says.

"Don't you have to be somewhere right about now?" Taeyong reminds him and he can hear Jonghyun biting back a curse as he notices the time. A minute later he is scrambling to put some clothes on since his colleague was calling him urgently. The call disconnects and Taeyong sighs out of relief. For the first time since arriving in Korea, he feels like he can breathe freely again.

Chocolates are his guilty pleasure even now. But for the first time in a long time, he feels so out of character to be thinking of drinking. He’s never been a fan of turning to alcohol for anything but he thinks a few swigs of wine ought to really loosen him up. And so he pours himself a glass and downs it all in one go. The dark bittersweet liquid leaves behind a sensational burn in his throat warming him up from the inside out. Feeling a bit brave, he pours another one and drinks without preamble.

His mind keeps going back to those few hours in Doyoung’s apartment, seeing his precious members and rekindling lost bonds. And now with Jonghyun’s impending arrival, Taeyong feels the need to celebrate a little, preferably with Ten. As he takes a step out of the kitchen, holding the bottle of wine in one hand and an empty glass in the other he is surprised to see Johnny in the living room. He must have arrived when Taeyong was busy talking to Jonghyun. He also seems to be talking rather animatedly to Ten, almost as if he’s thrumming with excitement. Must be some good news if he’s looking this stoked.

And the next moment something changes. Something shifts in his field of vision. It's inexplicable, psychedelic even and nearly knocks his consciousness out. He almost drops the bottle of wine as he stumbles on the carpeted floor. He’s never heard of anyone tripping and face planting on a carpeted floor before and neither has anyone hallucinated after two gulps of red wine. It’s embarrassing. He really shouldn’t have drunk at all knowing he’s a lightweight. Ten quickly comes to his aide, preventing a disaster from happening.

He breathes in deeply trying to regain footing, blinks rapidly so the veil of illusion lifts. If Ten is the one standing beside him, holding his hand, who is Johnny really talking to? The person talking to Johnny has his back facing him and it’s then that Taeyong really notices the broad shoulders, too broad to be Ten’s. And then as he picks up on the tail end of their conversation, his brain, even in its most intoxicated state could make out that the voice is too deep to be Ten’s. Meanwhile Johnny having seen his little faux pas stands in an awkward manner trying hard not to make his greeting too forced. 

The person stands tall turning slightly towards him. Taeyong feels his heart jackhammering in his ribcage, feels beads of sweat streaming down his back underneath his sweater. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair that he feels everything and nothing all at once, that Jaehyun, after all these years, with just a quirk of his lips and his gorgeous dimples can make an utter mess out of him.

“Jaehyunie…” A whisper of his name, so foreign on his lips and the sight of him in so long, Taeyong greedily drinks in the view unashamed and in reckless abandon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here the events from the prologue connects.
> 
> Hi y'all. Hope everyone is safe and healthy.
> 
> I managed to get some writing done for this fic of mine. I've also managed to get the basic outline of how things are gonna go down in the coming chapters so I may have time to drop a few updates here and there. So I hope you guys check it out.
> 
> Thank you and have a nice day.


	5. NOTICE

Hey guys 

I am terribly sorry for this but I needed to take this decision to put the story on hold for a while.

To be honest though, I am not feeling it at all. I started this on a whim when I was at my lowest and had to vent out a lot of angst from within me. 

But as I write the material these days, it's just derailing the whole thought process that initially went into the story in the first place. And well there is this gnawing thought that this may very well not be everyone's cup of tea considering this has only a few hits. That's just how it is and I have to come to terms with it unfortunately.

Having said that, I'm not sure if or when I will be continuing the story. Just writing the angst about how Jaeyong went from a loving couple to absolute strangers pains me. Of how they had so much to communicate and they didn't do it in time. Its just a whole train wreck to think about something so terrible happening in a canonical setting.

I hope you guys, whoever you are, that have been following this one for updates would forgive me and understand my thoughts and feelings.

Once again I am sorry. This will be put on hold until further notice. Who knows this might even undergo major revisions and get published as a new and improved version here. With much less angst and unresolved feelings of course.

Till then I hope you would look forward to my other fics. I just wrote my very first platonic Dotae under my other pseud. Please go check it out and let me know what you think about it! For Jaeyong I have a lot of ideas in the pipeline that I will eventually try publishing as soon as possible. But right now I am trying to finish up my IPs with utmost dedication. 

Love you all so much. Until next time. Take care and stay safe.

Yours

Vidya.

**Author's Note:**

> To people who may read this hoping Jaeyong are gonna prevail well....you'll get why I have decided to write it the way I have.
> 
> Please read with an unbiased and open mind if you're up for the shit storm thats about to follow in a few updates!
> 
> But I promise it will be a satisfying ending for everyone.
> 
> As always comment what you think of this story. Gotta wrack my brains for content and your girl needs moral support y'all
> 
> Thank you and have a good read!


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